okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
