Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize