It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
