these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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