he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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