he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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