I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
