The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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