It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
