We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
