I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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