we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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