I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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