I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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