You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
