apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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