id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
