my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
