Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
