she woke up with a sticky ear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
