I look better un-naked...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
