guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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