There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
