She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
