you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
