Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
