Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
