she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
