I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think your dad took our porno
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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