I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
