I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize