i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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