He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
