i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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