ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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