She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
