Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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