Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
