ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
