my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
