She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
