Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
