I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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