i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
