So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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