i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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