well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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