So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
