I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
