I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
