She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
being pregnant is like rehab
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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