i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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