Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
