Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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