i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
