All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
