my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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