I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
