im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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