Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
