I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
