She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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