Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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