Your tits are I can't wait for
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
