he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
