idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
