they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
