hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
