I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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