Tell her she can't have a vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
