He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ok first of all what the fuck
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
