I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
